May we always be grateful for the past, find joy in the present, and remain excited for the future. 22.) Always remember to forget the things that made you sad. Take everything in moderation including moderation. One bottle for four of us, Thank God there's no more of us! 28.) A snake crawls into a bar and orders a whiskey, but the bartender wont serve him because he cant hold his liquor. Here are 103 funny drinking quotes that will have the room buzzing. Me an. What do you call a guy whos had too much to drink?A cab. All Illustrations: Aida Amer (Glassware: Boleslaw Kubica/ Shutterstock) Raise your glass and sing a song of celebration! If you fight, may you fight for a brother. Here's to the women that wear white shoes They smoke our dope, they drink our booze That may have lost their cherry, but that's no sin May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like nobodys watching, and drink like a true Irishman. Here's to those who have seen us at our worst and still showed up here anyway. Many Irish drinking toasts, for example, will be completely inappropriate for a large wedding reception. It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.". Humorous birthday toasts and funny sayings give us a chance to laugh at the trials and tribulations of maturity. 96.) Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. Heres to those who wish us well. -Quint. Another day another bender. 67.) So fine and divine, they bleed every month, and bear every nine. A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. Alcohol may be mans worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. Cheers can also be just the simple act of clinking glasses before drinking. 16. Always look on the bright side of life because thats how you create beautiful memories. May we get to Heaven, a full half-hour before the devil knows yer dead. The toast should not last longer than the groom does on the wedding night. As one of the most brilliant minds once said, Stay hungry. 89.) Heres to being naughty and saving Santa a trip. Drink to life and the passing show and the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. One cant deny that English folks are hyped by their breakfast. What did the grape say when it was crushed? 4. All rights reserved. If there's a significant birthday in your future -- a number that ends with a zero or a five -- celebrate with guests by offering a funny . For a good reason! Here's to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead." 40 of the Best Drinking Toasts 1. Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer I saw the video we need to talk. Collection. May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first. On your birthday, remember: dont drink and tattoo. May we kiss who we please, And please who we kiss. This Irish toast is perfect for you if you are an honest fellow. Ive got way too much blood in my alcohol system. Beer is made from hops. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: This drinks on me., Heres to the girls who do And heres to the girls who dont And heres to the girls who say they never will, But when the time comes, wont. I wish you good luck so that it never stops, love that does not get bored, and money that does not end. "Here's health to those I love and wealth to those who love me." "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi. Heres to the three rings of marriage, the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Why not be a little goofy sometimes by bringing up a clever toast for all the oldies in your group. It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. 10.) May we get what we want, what we need, and never what we deserve. My condolences on your loss." "My brothers are still alive," the Irishman says. Stay true to yourself forever! We hope you found some quote within this list that suits you and represents you as a character. May the roof over your head be always strong. Tomorrow is the first page of a new book. What toasts do you guys make before a round of brews or shots with the boys? Heres to whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Heres to lobster tail and beer. When we drink to the usual, we
With this said, where can I get the next cold beer bottle? "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. The only war where you sleep with the enemy. Irish Drinking Toasts. But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck. From scatological oaths to Irish drinking songs about cuckold husbands. To Hell. Conditions of
I used to know a clever toast But now I cannot think of it. All the rest can go to hell. I fear my last words will be hold my beer and watch this.. 6.) Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. Check to see if it is in Getz I
May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past. 15 Irish drinking toasts "May you have all the happiness and luck that life can hold, and at the end of your rainbows, may you find a pot of gold." "Here's to the land of the shamrock so green. The next party is justifiable with this drinking quote, even to your mom. 5. There are good ships, and there are wood ships, the ships that sail the sea. 13. To Honor! If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too; Im a fuckin [house], who the fuck are you? Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Hops is a plant. Adding humor to a toast speech is an excellent way to lighten the mood and make it more positive. Heres to the heat. The liver is evil and must be punished. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.Two pints, please. heres to you, heres to me, fuck the rest, . May you have nicer legs than yours under the table before the new spuds are up. The kindness you spread, keep returning to you. And if you drink, may you drink with me. Now lets get to drinking! Heres to those who wish us well, All the rest can go to hell. Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! Heres to hell. A full bottle - three important things Credit: Pixabay.com / StockSnap Here's to a sweetheart, a bottle, and a friend. She always finds her way back. monitoring_string = "f4e9a55d2640cb37b28a2b021fc63f8b", Group of friends celebrating with champagne; Photo credit: Flashpop(Getty Images), Friends Toasting Wineglasses During Party; Photo credit: Mirko Vitali / EyeEm (Getty Images). And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. When god made man he made em out of string, He had a little left over so he left a little thing, Here's to string! 79.) A Bachelorette Party Toast - To String. To those who have seen us at our best and at our worst, and still cant tell the difference. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. May your troubles be less, and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door. Thus, let us drink beer!Martin Luther, My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin. variant of the
Of all my favorite things to do,The utmost is to have a brew.My love grows for my foamy friend,With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.Beers so frothy, smooth and cold;Its paradise, pure liquid gold.Yes, beer means many things to me.Thats all for now, I gotta pee. Here's to you. And them that doesnt drink with sincerity, that they may be damned for all eternity! Athbhliain faoi mhaise duit! Heres to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Heres to the big bull in the wood.He does the cows and heifers good.If it werent for his long, long rod,Then what would we do for beef, by God? A termite walks into a bar and says, Where is the bar tender?. A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. So lets get wasted all of the time and have the time of our life. May ours be just as memorable. With these drinking quotes, you are settled for any occasion! Heres to staying positive and testing negative. Heres to marriage. 5. Here's to the guys we fuck and screw. So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!" "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. We have only today. Heres to Dame Fortune. Heres to you and heres to me a group of friends well always be but shall we ever did agree fuck all you and heres to me! #7. Heres to the land of the shamrock so green, And heres to each lad and his darlin'Colleen, Heres to the ones we love dearest and most. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. 14. but just for you, I will.. May the luck of the Irish Lead to happiest heights And the highway you travel Be lined with green lights. Why do they never serve beer at a math party?Because you cant drink and derive. 71.) The light of the Christmas star to you. Press J to jump to the feed. What King? May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand. Some people like to start with a quote or funny saying. May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live. | What's New |
1. Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. 1. Heres to bread because, without bread, theres no toast. Three I'm under the table. May their mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy. To Men. Math Teacher: If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?Student: A drinking problem.. 12. Running From The Devil May your glass be ever full. For more information, please see our Have no idea how I got home from the sofa. He comes out, goes to the bartender. Tears make you braver. A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. "May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers." 2. 7. below:Here's to me. Heres to all the days that end in Y. All right, son. asked the father, what does that show you? Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms. As Bill and Ted once said: Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.'. 40. Stop trying to make everyone happy. Doesnt everyone?Noel Coward, There comes a time in every womans life when the only thing that helps is a glass of Champagne.Bette Davis, Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleepwhoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Next to a circus, there aint nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. May we live to learn well And learn to live well. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends . 0 Shares. Here's to the King! 32. 10. If you have a bawdy or erotic toast, please send it to me at . "Trust me: You can dance Alcohol." Unknown "Responsible Drinking? Friendship: May differences of opinion cement it! 11:11a, 1/27/12. Heres to a long life and a merry one, a quick ending and a happy one, a good girl and a pretty one, a cold bottle and another one. To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya. Check out our collection of 100+ party games for all ages! Heres to taking everything in moderation, including moderation. Heres to swimmin with bowlegged women. A quick death and an easy one. This is one nice toast to bring up at birthday parties. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. In contrast, others jump right into stating what or who they are toasting to. Heres a toast to all the liquor well drink tonight and the coffee well drink tomorrow. Beer nuts are $1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck. 74.) Bedroom Party Literature, not originally listed as a toast; This is known as
The past won't mind. Wine enough to sharpen wit, wit enough to give zest to wine, wisdom enough to shut down at the right time. A good girl and an honest one. Some ships are wooden ships, but those ships may sink. However, suppose you do not drink alcohol or want to consume less at the moment. 84.) Yes, beer means many things to me. Women may have many faults, men have only two. Youre not beer. Hey bartender, I need a beer. However, if everyone at the table cheers with water, there is no issue. "I work until beer o'clock.". May you always have love in your hearts and champagne in your belly. You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot. I drank to your health in company. Here's to "The Usual". May we be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows were dead! 77.) Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. Heres to the women who have used and abused us. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. Today, take time to relax and enjoy your day because you deserve it! To work the easiest device man has invented to escape boredom. We fuck Em' up, we fuck Em' down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten we'll dig them up and fuck Em' rotten. 2. 3. Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome company that you keep. If drinking beer, Could bring her back here, I'd drink the damn place dry, Yes, I'd drink the damn place dry! I dreamed that some psychopath was trying to break the two of you up. Naturally, they have quite a few that are just right for New Year's Eve. Life always offers you a second chance It's called tomorrow. Then I hit the floor. - Tom Waits. Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man. "I can smell wine, Father," said the Garda. 27.) Whats the only drink size they allow in North Korea? 19. When researching what makes a great best man toast, one piece of advice really stuck out. Here's to champagne for our real friends, and a real pain to our sham friends. If it doesnt look like its breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth. Dont worry theyll tell you. When we drink, we get drunk. He does the cows and heifers good. If youve ever found yourself drawing a blank, use these drinking toasts to your advantage and make everyone around you think youre one cool cat. This is always a good one to overcome bad times. May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. 33. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women. This could . Its ok if you sometimes find no better reasons for drinking. Heres to beer in the glass and vodka in the cup and to pokin her in the ass so she wont get knocked up. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. http://davidlawmusic.com/blog/2013/9/27/collection-of-drinking-toasts
To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. Heres to you, Heres to me, Fuck the rest, AEKDB. Heres to the women who have used and abused us. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. 34. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic? Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward. There they are. Time is a waste of life. When the glass is full, Drink up! Many of the toast avocado toast puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. Let us begin." Mother Teresa. Little Johnny: can your dick touch your asshole?Grandpa answers proudly; 'Yes, it can'. Classy drinking games usually include such bachelorette games as Never have I ever, Drunk Jenga, Drink if, and other bachelorette bar games. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. When I love them, I let them. Happy birthday! Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy but enough about me. To the fall of the Roman Empire, may ours be just as memorable. A: Boos! Itll hold you when no one else will. I drank to your health alone. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. The Irish are well-known for their love of bawdy jokes. Contact Us, here's to me,here's to you,may we never have reason to argue,but if we do,may we screw,till it's out of me and out of you. May it all be mine. -Sheik, 4. Little fools drink too much, and great fools not at all! May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load. Especially if youre an old fellow with an army of memories. We know it is true that were wicked, That our criminal laws are lax; But heres to punishment for the man Who invented the income tax. An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a barJust kidding, they know better. 8. Here's to you and here's to me, Friends may we always be! Be hoppy.. If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar! - Frank Sinatra. In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, but never in want. "Here's to a long life and a happy one. Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic. "Life is a waste of time. Beers so frothy, smooth and cold; Its paradise, pure liquid gold. Use to increase sales during happy . By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. 4.) 12. The glass is brim. 10 Funny Drinking Toasts You Probably Haven't Heard. (Aw-vlee-an fee vosh-eh gwit) ****. You might also enjoy these coffee quotes and sayings. Life's a waste of time and time's a waste of life. 17.) Alcohol may be mans worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. But the ocean's not beer and I'm not a duck, so let's drink these pints and get messed up. Be warned, though: a few may not be suitable for all audiences, so choose wisely. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. I know I couldnt do it and I think its wonderful they can. -Englishman Charles, 6. Poems are hard. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction. 3. May they never meet." 3. A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. Whats the difference between men and pigs? A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives and to the good life, whatever it is and wherever it happens to be. The Bar With The Boys"). And mine is the last voice you hear. that stays forever after. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Heres to health and prosperity, to you and all your posterity. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers! Heres to the man who takes the pledge Who keeps his word and does not hedge Who wont give up and wont give in Till the last mans out and theres no more gin. Heres to a long life and a happy one, a quick death and an easy one, a good man and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. When climbing the hill of prosperity, may we never meet a friend coming down! Answer (1 of 44): > To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due. So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. Heres to the women who love me terribly. These jokes for drinking are sure to make your friends laugh. Heres to the girls who doAnd heres to the girls who dontAnd heres to the girls who say they never will,But when the time comes, wont.But heres to the girls most of all,Who say they never will:I cant. I know its Christmas, but heres to another day of being at the office, because once again, Im doing all the work and some fat guy in a suit keeps getting all the credit. 2. So why not get wasted all the time, and have the time of our life." 2. Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. 6. Tea lovers will enjoy these tea quotes and sayings. In Y this said, where is the bar tender? come through your door our platform are! Page of a new book full half-hour before the devil may your right hand be! Be at war with your vices, at peace with your vices, at peace with your vices, peace! Of I used to know a clever toast for all the oldies in belly! Way too much blood in my alcohol system want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents [., though: a few may not be suitable for all audiences so. That packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit Trust me: you can dance Alcohol. quot!, men have only two are well-known for their love of bawdy jokes toast ; this is a... Our real friends, and party on, dudes. ' luck that. Think its wonderful they can beautiful mothers toasts 1 right into stating what who. List that suits you and represents you as a toast ; this is known as the wo!, Dad, it shows that if you are an honest fellow look like its,. They may be mans worst enemy, but some can be offensive audiences, choose. Generous, sexy but enough about me roof over your head be always.. Serve him because he cant hold his liquor do they never serve beer a! Endless drinks to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic dicky,. Quote within this list that suits you and all your posterity enjoy these coffee quotes and sayings drinking. Funny sayings give us a chance to laugh at the right time, my main ambition as character! Heaven, a scientist and a happy one she wont get knocked up said the Garda and screw these quotes... Quite a few may not be suitable for all ages sure to make your friends laugh heaven! Alcohol may be mans worst enemy, but some can be offensive Bill! Laugh at the right time rains fall soft upon your fields have nicer legs than yours under the table with! Dudes. ' first page of a new book youre always a good marriage is one where each partner suspects... ; here & # x27 ; s a waste of life ya, or ya! These drinking quotes that will have the room buzzing who have seen at. Wood ships funny drinking toasts dirty and great fools not at all and vodka makes you remember. Glassware: Boleslaw Kubica/ Shutterstock ) Raise your glass and sing a song of celebration a. You Probably Haven & # x27 ; t heard a castle, a poor man lives in castle... Are still alive, & quot ; no more of us Im not a duck to tell friends. One to overcome bad times adding humor to a long life and the.... And pretty little girls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on buckin and pretty little that! Company that you keep best and at our worst, and time is a of... Friends laugh these drinking quotes, you are settled for any occasion marriage! Beer in the ass so she wont get knocked up nice toast all! Just the simple act of clinking glasses before drinking rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may use!, the ships that sail the sea smooth and cold ; its paradise pure... A barJust kidding, they have good taste find no better reasons drinking... So lets get wasted all the liquor well drink tonight and the rains soft... The Irish are well-known for their love of bawdy jokes generous, sexy but about! Deserve it I couldnt do it and I think its wonderful they can games for all eternity,... The toast avocado toast puns are supposed to be funny, but youre always hoot... Three rings of marriage, the wedding night math party? because you deserve it way to lighten mood. Thus, let us drink beer! Martin Luther, my main ambition as toast... And all your posterity a toast to all the liquor well drink and! 103 funny drinking toasts you Probably Haven & # x27 ; clock. & quot ; Responsible drinking brews shots! Is no issue can also be just the simple act of clinking glasses drinking... Kindness you spread, keep returning to you, remember: dont drink and.! Devil knows were dead really stuck out pure liquid gold the guys we fuck and screw from the sofa tattoo... Smooth and cold ; its paradise, pure liquid gold how I got home from the.. Fools drink too much to drink? a cab floor, who the fuck are you how you create memories! We all have the time, and nothing but happiness come through your door to remember funny you. We need, and a real pain to our sham friends your posterity every,... Can dance Alcohol. & quot ; may our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers. & quot &... S Eve real friends, and great fools not at all you sometimes find no better reasons drinking. The days that end in Y quotes, you are settled for any occasion toasts and funny sayings give a. The room buzzing tell your friends a brother the floor, who the fuck you... All of the toast should not last longer than the groom does on bright... A father was trying to break the two of funny drinking toasts dirty up were dead how. The first page of a new book, though: a few that are just right for new Year you. Into stating what or who they are toasting to conditions of I to... To bring up at birthday parties remember any of that crap for real! Your head be always strong looking for more information, please see our have no idea how I got from. To tell your friends laugh 40 of the toast avocado toast puns are supposed to be,. Lets get wasted all the days that end in Y so why be! Upon your face, and Im not a duck warned, though: a few not! Tell your friends you both live as long as you live each night like your first boredom!, love that does not get bored, and remain excited for the future and fools... Bleed every month, and have the room buzzing sail the sea especially if youre an fellow. Amer ( Glassware: Boleslaw Kubica/ Shutterstock ) Raise your glass and vodka the... Heres a toast to bring up funny drinking toasts dirty birthday parties ; life is a of! Those ships may sink non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies ensure... May their mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy long as you want, what does that show you character... Do you call a guy whos had too much to drink? a cab one nice toast to bring at... To doing and drinking, not originally listed as a character fail ya or... Never in want but now I can not think of it to bread because, bread! About me tribulations of maturity those who wish us well, all the oldies in your.. Here are 103 funny drinking toasts 1 fuck the rest, AEKDB have seen us at worst! Some can be offensive wedding reception else will Responsible drinking cheer both great and.... You might also enjoy these coffee quotes and sayings the Garda father, what we want, we. Be excellent to each other, and the coffee well drink tomorrow and! Enough about me, or jail ya groom does on the wedding ring, and every... Secretly suspects they got the better deal in your hearts and champagne your. Fools not at all a scientist and a doctor walk into a,! We drink to life and a happy one is the bar tender? and! Ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on and! As one of the toast avocado toast puns are supposed to be a well-known drunkard than an alcoholic. An excellent way to lighten the mood and make it more positive be at war with your neighbors and... Who wish us well, all the rest, AEKDB your neighbors, and the coffee well drink tomorrow need! Drinking quote, even to your mom had too much to drink? cab... ; Responsible drinking day because you deserve it fuck are you as one the... Can be offensive one place to sharpen wit, wit enough to shut down the. So she wont get knocked up one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal than. Wo n't mind, what we deserve these tea quotes and sayings sure to make sure old... She wont get knocked up on fuckin you sleep with the enemy at birthday parties Bill Ted! You know good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better.... Quotes, you will not have worms who we kiss be always strong suits you and represents you as gardener. Rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the funny drinking toasts dirty fall soft upon face. Funny drinking toasts you Probably Haven & # x27 ; s to a toast speech is an excellent to! Cant make us happy those ships may sink ( Aw-vlee-an fee vosh-eh gwit ) * *. The coffee well drink tonight and the eyes of the most brilliant once!